Smashing Shenanigans
by Coraircate
Summary: Join four friends on their epic adventures in the town of Smashville! There's a fair, police corruption, villainous villains to fight, midnight releases, cooking capers, court cases, and more!
1. Some Cheesy Friendship One-Liner

Disclaimer: I don't own Nintendo, Super Smash Bros., or any of the characters. That'd be awesome, though. Someone get on that.

**SMASHING SHENANIGANS**

#1: SOME CHEESY FRIENDSHIP ONE-LINER

They said the old two-story house sitting atop the impressive hill right next to the Smashville town gate sprung up overnight, and that its sole resident cared only for the chance to draw his sword and dance through the blood of his rivals.

Wolf was begrudgingly dragged along on an adventure with the ever-so-lovable Captain Falcon, who considered it his duty to ensure that the local loner could make a friend or two. The excitable F-Zero pilot bounded onto the creaking porch of the forsaken palace.

"Come on, Wolf!" he invited over his shoulder.

"Why did you bring me for this?" Wolf asked.

"I dunno," replied Falcon, shrugging it off. He turned back and pounded three times on the door.

"What if this guy's a psycho?" asked Wolf.

"Then he'd fit right in!" replied the captain over his shoulder. "You can talk about gutting that rabbit you hate so much." There was the wiggling sound of the doorknob, and the door slowly opened. Before them was a redheaded man in a wheelchair.

"Yes?" It was quite a beautiful voice- the kind that seemed gentle but troubled, childish but wise, and friendly but dark.

Captain Falcon was surprised by the wheelchair, but he shook it off internally and politely asked, "Can we come in?"

"For what purpose is your visit?" asked the redhead.

"Um... friendship?" proposed the pilot.

"Marth's... not very sociable," the stranger told him.

"Can I try anyway?" the determined racer requested.

"Sure." The redhead put his hands on the wheels of the chair, and trailed backwards and to his right, allowing the two to enter the house. Wolf shut the door behind, and looked around the room to see a spiral staircase in the corner- a notable obstacle for the wheelchair-bound greeter.

"He's in his lounge right now, reading I think," he said. "Straight ahead, you'll see the doorway on the right." Wolf caught up to Captain Falcon and proceeded through a very small kitchen, and into a hallway. On the right, they looked- through the doorway was a eloquent room with a clean coffee table of glass and light wood, with several sofas that looked softer than Wolf's fur after a shower. One of these sofas was host to a man with a copy of _Pride and Prejudice_, presumably Marth.

"Are you Marth?" Wolf asked. The reader's blue hair was being struck by a gentle light that highlighted the plush nature of each strand.

"I am," he replied, not looking up from his book.

"Well, I'm Captain Falcon!" the pilot suggested. "And this is Wolf! We're here to make friends!"

"Is that so?" Marth asked. He reached down and picked up a simple blue bookmark with a perfectly white tassel, before stuffing it between the pages of the paperback and then putting the book on the table. Finally, he looked up.

"You must be tournament fighters," assumed Marth.

"Yeah, I'm a veteran!" Falcon boasted. "Wolf here just joined last season, but he did a nice job."

"Oh, I never had the pleasure of dueling either of you," Marth stated. "You were both first bracket?"

"Yeah," Wolf answered. "Are you entering the Universe tournament?" Marth nodded. It was at that moment when they heard the obnoxiously loud sound.

"Is that a train?!" shouted Captain Falcon over the roaring of the locomotive.

"Let's go check it out!" Wolf suggested. The two jumped at the chance to have some form of adventure, because that was the one thing that actually made them compatible within the same solar system: they loved adventure.

"You coming, Marth?" asked Captain Falcon, looking over to his blunette host. Marth seemed to be thinking it over in his head for a second.

"Yeah, let's go," he piped, standing to his feet and stretching his arms. He half-spun around and dipped his arm behind the sofa, pulling out a shiny sword that had definitely killed at least nine people.

* * *

Chocolate sprinkles were definitely better than rainbow sprinkles, but arguably less satisfying than titty sprinkles- at least, that's what Kirby was insisting upon. Honestly, Lucario really did not care to hear anything from the little pink ball filled with cotton candy and smudged trading cards that fell behind the couch in some loser's living room. The sound of the train came as both salvation and curious to the aura Pokemon. After all, there were no train tracks in or around Smashville!

"What's that?!" Kirby yelled. Somehow, the ball of air's voice eclipsed the intensity that was the train's volume. Lucario, irritated as could be, decided to charge towards the source of the sound. Kirby, on the other hand, found a shiny penny on the ground, and did the only thing that made him happy- swallowed it in a single gulp.

It wasn't a long run. Lucario made it to the top of a tiny hill and gazed upon a wild train plowing through the village at breakneck speeds. There were six train cars, and the fifth one was shocking. Standing on top of it was a stumpy, toadlike man with a jagged moustache and a yellow hat. The doors on either side were slung wide open, and inside Lucario could clearly see hundreds of trophies, obviously stolen from the tournament site referred to as Smash House. Evident was the culprit: the man atop the train, the local cheapskate and resident slob- Wario.

Needless to say, problems would surely arise from the loss of the trophies, as opposed to the celebration that would be held in honor of the hero that got the garlic vacuum removed from the town and every subsequent tournament. Lucario, being a noble and adventurous spirit, decided to take off towards the train.

He was quick to notice that he was not alone in his endeavor. Trailing behind the train were three other residents: Marth, Wolf, and Captain Falcon. Lucario knew all of them, though not very well. Captain Falcon, he tolerated; Wolf, he somewhat liked; Marth, he found mysterious. Evidently, they had formed a compact and prepared to save the day. Regardless of the circumstances, Lucario was willing to share in the experience with the three of them.

Coming from the side allowed Lucario a successful attachment to the last car in the set. With a simple bound, he gripped the side of the train and clung to it with talent. Using his extreme speed, he narrowly avoided smashing through a fence and relocated to the back end of the caboose. Captain Falcon was edging closer and closer to the railing. Lucario extended his paw out, giving the pilot a tether to pull himself onto the caboose.

"Thanks, Lucario," he said between breaths.

"Anytime," replied Lucario.

Since there was nobody controlling the train, or any tracks to follow, the two were slung about quite violently, and the train smashed through houses and fences and gardens and children. The constantly battery slowed the train down on impact, giving Marth and Wolf a chance to join the others on the back of the train.

"Alright," Captain Falcon began. "What's our plan?"

"Huff..." Marth started. "That slob on the top of the train hasn't seen us, and he's massively outnumbered. We need to do something about him, but we also need to stop the train before it destroys the entire town."

"Good call," Wolf said, nodding. "Uh, how is stopping the train going to work, exactly?"

"Well, we need to get someone up there as fast as possible," Captain Falcon said. "The fastest path would be to run along the top, but Wario will notice us when we get up there."

"Lucario, you're pretty athletic, aren't you?" asked Wolf.

"I am," replied Lucario.

"You can crawl up the side of the train and subdue Wario, then we climb up and finish the job," Wolf suggested.

"Very well," Lucario responded. "Let us go." The group moved through the caboose quickly but conservatively. The Pokemon clung to the side of the train and began to travel around the side.

"Are you ready?" Captain Falcon asked.

"Let's go," Marth proposed. The three of them jumped on top of the train just in time to see Lucario kick Wario down onto his face. Captain Falcon sprinted on ahead, jumping over the fallen couch potato, and advancing towards the front of the train as fast as he could.

"You follow the captain," Marth said. "I'll help deal with Wario." Wolf nodded, and the two sprang into action.

"Wah?!" Wario shouted, as he looked up. "What are you idiots doing here?! Leave me alone!"

"Why are you stealing these trophies?" asked Lucario.

"They're, um, Christmas presents- for friends, yeah!" Wario insisted.

"Friends, huh?" Marth asked, joining Lucario as Wolf dashed by to assist Captain Falcon in the front.

"Yeah!"

"Name five, then," Marth commanded.

"Um... Waluigi... Walgina... Walpaper... Walflower... and um... Wal...mart," Wario listed off.

"Damn, his story holds up," muttered Marth.

"Doesn't matter," Lucario told him. "You stole those trophies. We're taking them back."

"Never!" Wario sprang up and grabbed Lucario, before pushing him off the side of the train. "THEY'RE MINE!" He spun around and attempted to punch Marth, but the swordsman sidestepped it and thrust his sword precisely into his attacker's sleeve. Majestically, he spun around and pulled Wario's arm behind his back before putting the sword through the other sleeve and pinning the garlicky menace to the floor.

"Good work," Lucario noted, poking his head up from over the side of the train.

* * *

"How's it going, Captain?" asked Wolf as he dropped into the train through the window.

"I can't find out which one stops it!" Captain Falcon panicked. "I think it's the red one!"

"No, I don't think so," Wolf thought, looking around. "I think it's this one." He pointed at a brass level that flipped horizontally across the front of the train.

"What makes you say that?" Captain Falcon asked.

"It worked in Polar Express," Wolf shrugged.

"Fair enough," Captain Falcon admitted, turning around and flipping the level. Sure enough, the piercing sounds of the screeching wheels and plowing dirt rang through the air. It was then that the train slowed to a stop.

"We did it!" Wolf cheered.

* * *

The four reunited outside of the train, surrounded by cheering townsfolk and screams of praise and professed love. Some guy even proposed to his girlfriend (she said no, though, since the ring was made out of a tab taken from a Wii Soda). Master Hand approached the group and commended each of them. Wario, on the other hand, was kicked out of Smashville, permanently.

That day started a beautiful friendship.

TO BE CONTINUED


	2. The Thief, Part 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Super Smash Bros., or Nintendo, or an Epiphone Les Paul. It's really depressing.

**SMASHING SHENANIGANS**

#2: THE THIEF, PART 1

Wolf rolled out of bed and landed on all fours, taking the blanket with him. He kept it curled around himself out of paranoia and decency (he slept naked, see) as he made he way through the house. Strolling into the kitchen, the bipedal canine turned on the coffee pot and prepared his daily cup.

"_It's almost six," _he noted, looking at the oven. _"Well, no one's up. I don't even need to put pants on yet." _Wolf decided to fetch the paper from outside, still wrapped in the warmth of his purple blanket. He opened the door and walked out into the slightly chilly early morning, ground illuminated by the barely-risen star.

"_That's strange... Where's my paper?" _Wolf thought, looking all around. He looked into Link's yard, just next door, and sure enough, he saw a newspaper.

"_Now that I think about it... Where's my MAILBOX?" _Though Wolf hadn't noticed at first, it was apparent that his mailbox had been ripped from the ground, leaving a deep hole in the ground where it once stood. _"What the hell?!"_

"Wolf!" came a summon. Wolf turned around, and Captain Falcon was rapidly sprinting towards him. Embarrassment fell upon him, as he had been spotted.

"Um... Hey, Captain," greeted Wolf as his friend arrived in his yard.

"Quick, get in here!" Captain Falcon commanded in a hushed panic. He put his hand on Wolf's back and halfway dragged him into the house.

"What's going on?" asked Wolf.

"Someone took your mailbox, huh?" asked Captain Falcon.

"Yeah, and my paper," Wolf responded.

"Well get this," the pilot started. "Somebody took my pillow."

"Your pillow?" asked Wolf.

"Yeah, my favorite pillow!"

"Were you sleeping on it?" Wolf questioned.

"Yeah!"

"How... Um... Nevermind. Look, I'm going to drink my coffee and then go to report this when I put some pants on." He turned to his coffee maker and poured the liquid into his mug.

"We need to find out what else was stolen! Come on!" Captain Falcon decided, grabbing Wolf by the back of his blanket and dragging him off on a Sunday morning adventure.

* * *

"LUCARIO WAKE UP!" Captain Falcon screamed. Lucario jumped out of bed and landed face first on the ground.

"Who just WOKE ME UP?" came a shout from another room.

"Who was that?" asked Wolf.

"That's Meta Knight," Lucario replied as he sat up. "He's my roommate. By the way, why exactly are you in my house at 6:30 in the morning? Wrapped in a blanket, nonetheless?"

"Someone's been stealing our stuff!" Captain Falcon replied. "My pillow, Wolf's mailbox. Did they take anything of yours?"

"I haven't checked," answered Lucario. "I just woke up after all." It was then they heard a scream come from another room.

"You okay, Meta Knight?" Lucario shouted through the house.

"My mask! I can't find my mask!" Meta Knight verified. "It's been stolen!"

"You didn't misplace it?" asked Lucario.

"I slept with it on! Of course I didn't misplace it!"

"See? Someone is stealing our stuff!" Captain Falcon insisted. "We gotta get Marth and find out who the thief is!"

"Why Marth?" asked Wolf.

"He's a part of our posse now," replied Captain Falcon. "Was nobody else under that impression?"

"We literally had one chapter with him," Wolf explained. "And when did we decide Lucario was our friend, too?"

"I dunno," Captain Falcon told him. "Just a feeling. Anyway, come on!"

"Can I eat first?" Lucario asked.

"No time!" replied Captain Falcon.

* * *

The trio advanced towards Marth's house with intent of picking up their final man to assist in the investigation. Most of the Smashville residents were still asleep, as it was not even seven o'clock yet. Captain Falcon was leading the charge, with Lucario and Wolf following grumpily behind. They were both hungry, and Wolf was too exposed to feel comfortable.

When they arrived at Marth's house, they heard a sound coming from a small wooden shed that they did not realize he owned. Investigating was the most reasonable thing to do. As they went towards the shed, they saw Marth rummaging through various tools and objects.

"What's up, Marth?" asked Wolf.

"I'm looking for my watering can," replied Marth. "For the garden."

"You know, it might have been stolen," Lucario suggested. "There were evidently a lot of things taken last night."

"Like what?" Marth asked.

"My mailbox," Wolf professed.

"My pillow," Captain Falcon added.

"And Meta Knight's mask," finished Lucario.

"Those individual things?" asked Marth.

"What?" Captain Falcon asked.

"That's a little random," Marth examined. "Why a mailbox, pillow, mask, and watering can? Why not something valuable?"

"You mean, someone needed those specific items?" asked Lucario.

"Exactly!" Marth confirmed.

"For what purpose would those items serve?" asked Wolf.

"It doesn't make any sense," admitted Marth.

"I DIDN'T TAKE THEM!" came a cry. They looked out the door and saw Solid Snake running past with a baseball bat in hand.

"What was that all about?" Captain Falcon asked. "You think he may have had something stolen, too?" Wolf facepalmed.

"That looked like Ness' bat," Lucario admitted.

"Wait... That's not good," Marth told them.

"What's not good?" asked Wolf.

"Remember the last time Ness lost his bat?" asked Marth.

"No," Wolf replied.

"It was before your time," said Marth. "Anyway, he beat Pichu in a fight, so Pichu ran off with his bat."

"And...?" Wolf asked.

"Pichu is now in an asylum," Marth told him. "Nobody knows what exactly happened, but Ness got his bat back within an hour."

"That... sounds terrifying," admitted Lucario.

"Yeah, exactly," Marth agreed. "That's why we need to catch up with Snake and return that bat before Ness realizes it's missing."

* * *

The doors to Snake's house were torn down with a powerful kick from everyone at once. Nodding in unison, the foursome proceeded into the house and looked around.

"Where's Snake?" asked Marth.

"I'M NOT IN THE KITCHEN!" came a shout.

"God, this is just pathetic," Wolf noted.

"What, how he gives away everything like that?" asked Lucario.

"That, and the fact that the author is just revealing crucial information as lazily as possible," said Wolf.

"Yeah, this stuff really sucks," confessed Lucario.

"Right, let's find the kitchen," Marth decided. They looked around. The living room was fairly plain, with a 32-inch television, several consoles, couches, and a stack of Cosmopolitan magazines. Walking towards the back and around the corner led them into a kitchen where every appliance was against the wall, leaving a wide open floor. With much confusion, they stepped into the kitchen and scanned for Snake. Lucario noticed the microwave was running, with about eighty minutes left. Inside was a car battery.

"Wow, this moron is going to blow up the house or something," Lucario examined. "That's really dangerous." He turned off the microwave.

"Where is he?" asked Captain Falcon. Just then, there was the sound of clanging metal, and a huge cage dropped down from the ceiling and trapped the group within.

"It was a trap!" shouted Lucario.

"I TOLD YOU I WASN'T IN THE KITCHEN!" Snake yelled from who knows where.

"Give back those things you took!" Captain Falcon commanded.

"NO! I HAVE SET A TRAP! INSIDE THE MICROWAVE IS A CAR BATTERY, AND IT WILL EVENTUALLY EXPLODE AND DESTROY ALL OF YOU! AND YOU CAN'T REACH IT TO TURN IT OFF! AHAHAHA!"

"Um, already turned it off!" Wolf told him.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?"

"Yeah!"

"DAMN IT!"

"I really don't know what to say about this..." Marth muttered.

"We have to get out of this cage," Lucario stated.

"Thanks for stating the obvious," Wolf said. "Okay, we've got powers. We can figure something out."

"I've got an idea!" Marth noted. "At least, to get Lucario out."

"What is it?" asked Lucario.

"Counter when I attack you," Marth told him, pushing him against the bars of the cage.

"Um, alright," Lucario said. Marth drew his blade (which he had on him because he had planned to destroy some weeds with it, of course). Pulling back the blade, he swung just as Lucario activated his Double Team ability. Lucario vanished and appeared outside the cage, sliding into the bars but not traveling through.

"How does that even work?" asked Captain Falcon.

"Don't question it and we'll be okay," Lucario told him. Wolf used his Wolf Flash ability to materialize on the other side of the bars.

"Great, now how do we get out?" asked Captain Falcon.

"We need to find a way to lift the cage," Marth told him. Lucario looked at the top of the cage, where he noticed an anchor attached to a long chain running over a pulley.

"Leave it to me," Lucario said. He jumped on top of the cage and began to climb up the chain. As he neared the top, he reached for the pulley and gripped a level on the side. Letting go of the chain, he began to turn the level by adjusting his body weight, slowly lifting the cage.

"Good work, Lucario," Marth told him as he and the pilot rolled under to their freedom. Lucario dropped down and landed acrobatically.

"Let's find Snake," suggested Wolf.

"I'M NOT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!" Snake yelled from another part of the house.

TO BE CONTINUED


	3. The Thief, Part 2

Disclaimer: I almost owned a Magnus Model 391 Chord Organ, but then someone bid like $60. Oh, and I don't own Super Smash Bros.

**SMASHING SHENANIGANS**

#3: THE THIEF, PART 2

In the previous chapter, our heroes had entered Snake's house to reclaim the stolen items.

"Right, let's look around," said Captain Falcon.

"Should we split up?" asked Marth.

"No! That's never a good idea!" insisted the pilot. "You ever watched a horror movie?"

"I watched Paranormal Activity," he replied.

"Please, that was a comedy," Captain Falcon pointed out. "And not even a funny one. You split up, and then get killed one by one."

"Alright then, we'll stick together," Marth agreed.

"I think we should check out everything downstairs and then move upstairs," suggested Wolf.

"No, no, again, bad idea!" Captain Falcon blasted. "We go straight for the upstairs because that's obviously where he'd be!"

"NO IT ISN'T!" Snake yelled.

"Stop making so much sense," Wolf told him. "Okay, upstairs it is."

"How does Snake keep hearing us?" asked Marth. Lucario reached under the counter and ripped a small black object off the plaster.

"He's bugged the whole house," Lucario told them. "I can see them with my Aura Vision."

"Can't you use that to find Snake?" asked Marth.

"Umm... No?" Lucario admitted.

"Why not?" asked Wolf.

"Um... Snake doesn't have any Aura," said Lucario weakly.

"I HAVE MORE AURA THAN YOU!" yelled Snake.

"I had an aura for breakfast," Captain Falcon suggested. He took the bug from Lucario's hand. "In fact... I feel it." He held the bug behind himself and proceeded to stink up the entire kitchen.

"That was disgusting," Wolf said.

"At least I'm not walking around nude," the pilot taunted.

"THAT'S YOUR FAULT!" Wolf shouted, storming out of the room. Lucario followed shortly behind, and Marth joined him. Captain Falcon looked down to the bug in his hand before dropping it in garbage disposal and flipping the switch under the sink.

"OH GOD MY EARS!"

* * *

Ness sat up straight and looked around the room.

"It smells like cigarettes in here..." he mumbled. "Not that I would know. I definitely don't smoke. Or burn down people's houses." Ness stretched his arms before standing up and putting on his shorts and shirt. Jumping into his shoes and knocking his hat down from the nail on the door, he turned around to pick up his bat.

"Where... Where's my bat?" he asked. Just then, he realized...

"What if a smoker stole my bat? Who in this town smokes? Let's see... Snake... Nana... My sister... Wait, my sister doesn't live here? Um... Does Captain Falcon smoke? It had to be Captain Falcon!" Ness' reasoning skills led him to believe that the F-Zero pilot would have to be destroyed.

* * *

Lucario, Captain Falcon, Marth, and Wolf stepped into what seemed to be Snake's bedroom.

"I don't see him anywhere," whispered Captain Falcon.

"Why are you whispering?" asked Wolf.

"So he doesn't hear us," replied Falcon.

"I can still hear you Douglas," said Snake.

"He's close by," noted Lucario. "He wasn't shouting."

"Come on out, Snake!" Wolf demanded.

"Search around," Marth suggested.

"No need," Captain Falcon said. "Watch this... Reeeeeeeed Robin!"

"Yuuuuum!" replied the group in unison as Snake popped out of a dresser drawer to harmonize.

"Damn," muttered Snake. He jumped out of the drawer, punching Marth as he flew through the air. Rolling across the ground, he tossed a grenade over his shoulder as he took off for the stairs.

"Hit the deck!" shouted Captain Falcon, jumping twelve feet into the corner. The rest of the group jumped in various directions to separate themselves from the grenade.

"Guys, the pin's still in there," noted Marth.

"OH MY GOD!" screamed Captain Falcon.

"That means it won't explode," stated Marth.

"Not that- Wolf isn't wearing underwear!"

"Can we just go after Snake now?" asked Lucario. He sprung up from the ground and took off out the door. Marth quickly joined him, scooping up the grenade as he went.

"Hey Wolf," Falcon bargained. "We should go look for the stolen stuff while they chase him."

"Or we could help chase him and then just get him to tell us where the stuff is," Wolf added.

"But then we'd have to run," complained Captain Falcon.

"Good point," approved Wolf. "Let's do that."

* * *

"No! He's getting away!" exclaimed Marth as Snake hopped over a fence and into the air before clinging to his Cypher that materialized from his pocket or something like that.

"I can take care of this," Lucario responded. He pulled out his own gadget from his pocket (he totally has one) and pointed it at the Cypher. Slowly, the aircraft descended.

"What is that?" asked Marth. Lucario held up a probe of sorts that resembled a laser.

"It's my Cypher Discombobulator," Lucario replied. "Meta Knight got it for Christmas. Fortunately, it was the second thing on my Christmas list."

"What was first?" wondered Marth.

"'Anything but a Cypher Discombobulator,'" replied the Pokemon. "We'd best catch up to Snake."

"Yeah, forgot," Marth muttered, before the two sprung into action and hopped the fence. There was Snake, lying on the ground. He was clutching his leg and shedding manly tears.

"I HAVE A BOOBOO!" he shouted.

"This is pathetic..." moaned Marth.

"Okay, Snake, it's time to return what you took," indicated Lucario.

"IT HURTS SO BAD!" Snake roared.

"Where's the things you took, Snake?!" asked Marth.

"OOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!" Snake hissed. Marth facepalmed.

"Hey! Marth! Lucario!" came Captain Falcon's voice. "We found the stuff! Where are you?" Marth turned around and held his sword straight up in the air, waving it back and forth so they could see. Wolf and Captain Falcon joined the two, arms filled with stolen items.

"What's he crying about?" asked Wolf.

"He fell..." revealed Lucario.

"That's pathetic," Wolf indicated.

"We said the same," Marth noted.

"Okay, I'll take care of this!" Captain Falcon said, spilling the stolen items and grabbing Snake. He dragged him along as he cried, stopping at a telephone pole.

"Anyone got some tape or something?" asked the pilot.

"There's this bubblegum he stole," said Wolf, holding up a pack. "Oh wait, that's nicotine gum."

"That'll work," the pilot noted. Wolf tossed the pack through the air, and Falcon caught it perfectly. He opened it up and licked it before sticking it to the pole.

"Alright, up you go," he said, hoisting Snake up and sticking him to the pole.

"How does he do these things?" asked Lucario.

"We don't know," Marth ruled.

"And did we ever establish why Snake stole these things?"

"I don't think we'll ever get an answer," pointed out Marth.

* * *

As the foursome left the scene with the stolen items prepared to be returned, Ness appeared in the middle of the road and pointed at Captain Falcon.

"You!" he growled.

"Oh, hey! Ness! We found your bat!" Captain Falcon cheered, waving the bat around. Ness suddenly charged at him, jumping into the air and ripping the bat from his hands. He proceeded to smack Captain Falcon across the back of the head with it, sending his held items flying and knocking him to the concrete. Brutally and repeatedly, Ness struck the screaming pilot with the bat.

"Help me!" shouted Falcon. The other three looked at each other.

"Is anyone else hungry?" asked Marth.

"Starving," replied Lucario.

"Should we go get something to eat?" he questioned.

"Can I put some pants on first?" Wolf pleaded.

"Sure," Marth responded.

Wolf nodded and said, "Great, let's get some food."

TO BE CONTINUED


	4. Eat at Falcon's

Disclaimer: I could barely afford Brawl. Of course I don't own Nintendo itself. This chapter is inspired by (read: stolen from) HyperInuyasha's The Normals.

**SMASHING SHENANIGANS**

#4: EAT AT FALCON'S

Marth, Lucario, and Wolf weren't sure what Captain Falcon was taking them to see. He only assured them they'd like it and that it was his best idea ever (not saying much). Just as they rounded the corner behind Nookington's, Captain Falcon stopped and held his arms out to reveal a small building.

"Falcon's?" read Lucario, from a small wooden sign above the door. It collapsed within seconds.

"I can fix that," Captain Falcon noted. "Do you guys like it?"

"What is it exactly?" Marth questioned.

Captain Falcon answered, "It's my new restaurant! You guys can work here for me! And it'll be successful! We'll be _rich_!"

"Who said we wanted to work for you?" asked Wolf.

"Well, you did sign the contract," reminded Captain Falcon.

"We never signed anything!" protested Lucario.

"Oh yeah?" asked Captain Falcon. He quickly produced three papers from behind his back, all with legitimately convincing signatures.

"How did you get those?" asked Marth.

"I told you, you signed them!" the Captain insisted.

"Whatever, I'm reporting you to the mayor," Wolf claimed, turning on his heel and marching away. Suddenly, the roar of a motorcycle, and the Villager pulled up in front of Wolf with a fancy pair of shades on, smile plastered on his face. He whipped his head towards the group and pulled his shades off with one quick motion.

"What seems to be the problem?" asked the Villager.

"How'd you know there was a problem?" asked Lucario.

"I have everything bugged, my friend," he bragged with a smile. "Everything."

"So why'd you ask what the problem was if you had listened to the conversation?" questioned Lucario.

"That'd be creepy," the Villager replied with a smile. "I'm not creepy." His smile widened.

"Right..." muttered Lucario.

"Anyway, I'm afraid you have to work here or you will be arrested," the Villager said with a smile. With a smile, he added, "It'd be against the law to break those contracts."

"We never signed the contracts!" insisted Wolf.

"I'm afraid you did," the Villager claimed with a smile. "I was there."

"When was this?" asked Marth.

"Oh, you're silly," replied the Villager with a smile. "Get on it." With a smile, he put the shades back on with a smile and rode away with a smile.

"He's so creepy..." mumbled Wolf.

"I am not!" the Villager cried, probably with a smile.

"Captain Falcon, I hate you," groaned Lucario. "Show us the inside of this place and we'll get on it..."

"Very well! COME ALONG, MY SLAVES!" shouted the pilot.

Marth hissed, "Don't push it."

* * *

Inside the building, which was about as attractive as the outside, Captain Falcon had already put his former friends into their work uniforms. The four of them were all dressed up in aprons and "cute little baker hats" as Captain Falcon referred to them.

"Isn't this great?" Captain Falcon asked them.

"No," they replied in unison.

"Lighten up, guys! We have work to do!" the pilot cheered, turning back to the recipe book he bought at Lucas' yard sale. Its appearance was rather _boney, _chewed in several spots, presumably by a dog.

"Right! Lucario, you make the scrambled eggs! Wolf, you're in charge of the chicken! Marth, you make some mashed potatoes! I'll start on the ice!" Captain Falcon proposed. "Let's get to it!"

"Why do you get to make the ice?" asked Wolf. "And why can't you do that without making food!"

"My friend, making ice is an ART," Captain Falcon lied.

"Where'd you hear that?" Wolf mocked. "Fancy Cooking Magazine for Dumbass Pilots?"

"No!" insisted the pilot, chucking his Fancy Cooking Magazine for Dumbass Pilots magazine into the oven. "Get to work!"

The pilot turned around to one of the eight stoves and began to boil some water, presumably to purify the ice cubes. Lucario got to throwing some eggs into a skillet, while Marth and Wolf searched the cabinets for their respective foods.

"Falcon, where's the chicken?" asked Wolf.

"And the potatoes?" Marth added.

"Check the attic," the captain replied, pointing straight up at the ceiling. Looking up, the two saw one of those doors that have the string on the end so they can be pulled down. Marth reached up and grabbed the said string. With a heave, he pulled down the door, causing a massive ladder to unfold and hit him in the back, knocking him to the ground.

"By Altea, I surrender..." he muttered, passing out in the floor. Wolf shook his head in shame and climbed the ladder to search. Suddenly, he fell down the ladder and collapsed into the floor, followed by a swarm of Keese swooping down from above and encircling the kitchen.

"BATS!" screamed Lucario. He flung the window open and hopped out as the color drained from his fur. Slowly, Marth's eyes widened, just in time to feel the Keese scratching at his face. He screamed and swatted them away, jumping up gracefully. Wolf was swatting at them with a whisk, while Captain Falcon merely whistled as he stirred the water.

"Captain Falcon! Help!" Wolf shouted.

"Busy," replied the pilot. Suddenly, the whole oven-stove combo caught aflame, and Captain Falcon jumped back. A Keese dropped perfectly down into the boiling water, squealing before dropping dead in the pot. It exploded into a green gem that disintegrated in the liquid.

"Did you seriously just catch the oven on fire?!" shouted Marth among the chaos.

"No! The Keese did that!" he responded.

"You're _lying_!" Marth protested, drawing his sword and slicing straight through the only Keese that had not flown out the window.

"Where's Lucario?" asked Captain Falcon.

"He jumped out the window," Wolf stated plainly.

"What for?" asked Marth.

"He's terrified of bats," Wolf replied.

"That... OR! He's just trying to get out of working!" Captain Falcon believed. "Marth! Go get him! I'm going to finish the ice up!" Marth moaned as he turned to go find Lucario. Wolf, on the other hand, sighed as he had to return to the attic.

"_Who puts chicken in the attic?" _he wondered.

* * *

"I found Lucario," Marth noted as he walked back in with the Pokemon, white as a sheet. "Why is the room filled with smoke?"

"Not sure," Falcon said. "I didn't notice."

"What were you doing this whole time?" Marth asked him.

"Uhh, stirring, of course," Falcon insisted. There was a mix of both smoke and steam. Fanning through the two allowed Marth to realize the steam was coming from Falcon's pot, while the smoke was coming from the burnt remains of the scrambled eggs. He managed to edge closer to the source and shut off the stove.

"I got the... um.. potatoes," Wolf said as he climbed down from the attic with a half-eaten bag of potatoes. "I think the Keese chewed through the bag to get at some of the potatoes."

"What about the chicken?" asked Falcon.

"You mean the live Cuccos?" asked Wolf. "Yeah, I left those alone."

"What for? We need them!" insisted the pilot.

"You ever try to kill a Cucco?" Wolf wondered.

"Since you're clearly incapable of cooking, I'll give you another job." Captain Falcon stated. "You can come up with some special stuff that makes people want to come here."

"Right, the food definitely won't do that," Marth told him.

"So, anything that will make people spend their money?" asked Wolf.

"Yeah!" Falcon instructed. "Anything!"

"Well, I have _one _idea," Wolf expressed.

* * *

"Step right up, step right up! Come to Falcon's Pinata Festival for all your crazy pinata needs!" Wolf cheered at the long line that snaked around Smashville's landscape. The crowd was miles long, and it was clear that Wolf had come up with something brilliant.

"That'll be $5," Lucario told Yoshi as he approached the table.

"Yoshi!" cheered the dinosaur as he handed over five massive gold coins and entered the building.

"Oh, hey Ness!" Wolf welcomed. "I've been looking forward to seeing you here. I see you brought your own bat."

"Yep! Here's my money!" he slammed a ten down onto the table. "Keep the change!" He scurried inside.

Inside the building, Marth was the instructor. He was handing a home run bat over to the customers and then blindfolding them, so they could take a swing at the brilliant pinata: Captain Falcon tied up and dangled from the ceiling by his ankles. His screams of pain were muffled by the thick layer of duct tape over his mouth.

"Out of the way, Yoshi! It's my turn!" Ness shouted, pushing Yoshi to the floor. He proceeded to smack a horrified Captain Falcon with his bat over and over and over again.

Wolf, Marth, and Lucario made enough money to not only buy themselves out of their contracts, but pay for a week at Disney World for the three of them.

Captain Falcon, on the other hand, had to pay medical bills.

TO BE CONTINUED


	5. A Friendship That Cannot Stand

Disclaimer: I do own a copy of Super Smash Brothers, but not the series itself. It's true.

**SMASHING SHENANIGANS**

#5: A FRIENDSHIP THAT CANNOT STAND

The leaves had begun to turn orange and yellow and red and all sorts of fascinating hues as the autumn air fell upon Smashville almost overnight. Most afternoon found the younger townsfolk outside, playing in the leaves or running to explore the annual fair hosted by Olimar.

It was known around town that Captain Falcon, Marth, Lucario, and Wolf were essential the best of friends. However, the group had none spent any time together since the majority of the group returned from Disney World in the late summer.

The most often seen member of the group in the area was Lucario, who went out every day for a long stroll about town. He occasionally bought himself a large meal, and specifically made sure to save half of it for Waluigi, the local homeless man. Waluigi would always grunt in a mix of appreciation (for the food) and disgust (for getting his flatmate kicked out of town and therefore leaving him homeless) as he downed the meal.

One particular day, Lucario entered the fair out of curiosity. He did not take much interest in the magic show, but he did quite like the strange musical performance. Stepping out of the tent after the performance, Lucario looked around and noticed something.

"_There's a powerful source of aura behind this tent,"_ he realized. Taking initiative, Lucario slowly stepped around the back of the tent and looked at the source.

"So you're the replacement," the stranger said. Oddly enough, he did not seem to move his mouth. In fact, it seemed like telepathy.

"Replacement?" Lucario asked.

"In the tournament," replied the stranger. "I was the Pokemon before you."

"You're a Pokemon?" questioned Lucario.

"They call me Mewtwo," indicated the source of the aura.

"So you were an entry in the Smash tournament? Why'd you leave?" Lucario wondered.

Mewtwo replied, "My strength was overwhelming and I was not allowed to re-enter."

"They told my roommate something very similar," said Lucario.

"Your roommate is this Meta Knight fellow, I presume," Mewtwo pondered.

"You've kept up with the tournament, then," Lucario noted.

"I have," Mewtwo answered. "I have seen your group of associates a few times. You are friends with the wolf and the swordsman?"

"Marth and Wolf, you mean?" clarified Lucario.

Mewtwo responded, "That is correct. You associate with powerful allies. You are wise."

"Why thank you," Lucario expressed with a smile.

Mewtwo then suggested, "I suppose you could consider me a friend now. You're very interesting."

"I'm interesting?" asked Lucario.

"You are," Mewtwo confirmed. "Meet me at the peak of Mount Cleric, at exactly midnight. I will show you something."

"Hmm, alright," Lucario agreed. "I will meet you at midnight." With that, Mewtwo quickly vanished.

* * *

As Lucario approached his door, he noticed Marth was standing there waiting for him.

"Marth?" asked Lucario.

"Lucario!" Marth answered. "I've got four tickets to the Coldplay concert in Picken tonight. Wanna go?"

"I can't," replied Lucario. "I'm already meeting a friend."

Marth then asked, "Who?"

"Mewtwo." Marth's eyes widened.

"Mewtwo? You're friends with Mewtwo?" he questioned.

"Yeah, why?"

"Mewtwo is bad news, Lucario," Marth revealed.

"How so?" Lucario asked with interest.

"You've seen Roy's wheelchair, right?" asked Marth.

"I have," replied Lucario.

"Mewtwo's the one who put him in that wheelchair," Marth explained. "He absolutely destroyed his leg, past the point of repair. That's why they weren't in the last tournament."

"That's brutal," Lucario responded. "He couldn't have done it on purpose."

"Nobody ever got confirmation on that," Marth warned. "He's dangerous. Be careful around him."

"Alright," Lucario agreed. "I'll trust your judgment." With that, Marth quickly trotted past and left the scene.

* * *

Midnight rolled around at a normal pace, and Lucario did scale Mount Cleric to meet the mysterious Mewtwo at the top.

"You arrived," Mewtwo noted.

"Yeah," Lucario answered. "What did you want to meet me for?" Mewtwo pointed up at the sky. Lucario looked up, and in the sky he saw what appeared to be aura-filled meteors plummeting to the planet's surface in a glorious, rounded arc.

"A meteor shower," Mewtwo observed. "The Cleric's Storm. It happens once ever seven hundred and thirty years. With it comes a strange turn of events."

"Strange turn of events?" Lucario asked. "What do you mean by that?"

"You saw the aura, did you not?" Mewtwo wondered.

"Yeah."

"That aura is the most manipulative aura in existence," explained Mewtwo. "With its power, other auras are more... agreeable." He turned to Lucario.

"Agreeable?" Lucario asked.

"Like so," Mewtwo said. He turned and faced Lucario. His eyes were filled with the aura, and then his hand flew up and was also drowned in the blue vapor.

"What are you doing?!" Lucario shouted in a growing panic. He attempted to step away, but found that he had absolutely no control over his body.

"You are powerful, Lucario," Mewtwo started. "There is no denying that. However, I know that my power is much more than yours. Since I cannot enter the tournament, I will just have to use a vessel. A vessel that allows me to defeat my enemies and achieve the glory I deserve. Though my face will change with my name, such trivial matters mean nothing so long as I maintain my power."

"Why so obsessed with this tournament?! If these things are so trivial, why bother with winning a simple tournament?" Lucario shouted at him.

"Revenge! Glory!" Mewtwo shouted. "They _turned _on me! They failed to understand that my victory would be worth more than any injury, any casualty! A few lives are nothing compared to my triumph!"

"That is the most insane thing I have ever heard!" Lucario protested. "Do you really mean to tell me that lives are so unimportant compared to recognition and attention?! You can get recognition and attention easily- life on the other hand, you only have one shot!"

"You can't create respect in a factory, Lucario!" Mewtwo hissed. "Life is nothing! A small sacrifice! Who let _you_ up here?!" Suddenly, Lucario smiled at the sight of his three closest friends. Marth was quickly soaring through the air, sword gliding along behind him. As he neared his target, Mewtwo dodged to the side and telekinetically threw Lucario's unmovable body into Marth's. Marth caught Lucario and was thrown back, but he managed to maintain a solid foothold and set his friend down.

"FALCON KICK!" shouted Captain Falcon, throwing himself through the air with his foot in the lead. Mewtwo easily caught his ankle in hand and spun him around, chucking him at Wolf with great force. Wolf nimbly ducked under his friend and caught him by the scruff of his neck, setting him on the ground.

"We've got your back, Lucario!" Captain Falcon yelled to Lucario.

"Thank you," he responded quietly, a smile forming on his face.

"How do you expect to defeat me?! I am powerful! I am in control! I can move your bodies _for you_! You have no cha- AH!" Wolf took the opportunity to deliver a solid punch to Mewtwo's stomach.

"YOU FOOL!" wailed Mewtwo. Throwing a hand forward, he lifted Wolf into the air and slammed him down onto the ground, face first. The canine got to his feet, imprint of his snout etched upon the floor he once laid. Lucario, now freed from his binding, rushed in to grapple Mewtwo, punching him twice and then wrapping his arms around the Pokemon's neck.

"Off!" Mewtwo uttered, spiraling through the air and then bringing the back of his head across Lucario's forehead. He turned around and spiked the fighter to the ground.

"You okay Lucario?" Wolf asked to his fallen friend. Lucario nodded and struggled to his feet.

"How is he controlling us?" asked Marth.

"The meteor storm elevates the ability to manipulate the aura within someone," replied Lucario. "It's working especially on myself."

"Why's that?" asked Marth.

"I have the most aura of us," Lucario explained. "The only other to have as much as me is Mewtwo."

"So why can't you manipulate his aura?" Marth wondered.

"I... can," stammered Lucario. Mewtwo hovered down to the ground.

"Have you given up yet?!" Mewtwo shrieked.

"Not quite," Lucario answered, stepping forward and holding out a paw. Suddenly, Mewtwo's arms were wrapped around himself.

"What are you doing?" he shouted.

"Controlling your aura," replied Lucario. "It's fun. I see why you do it." He proceeded to lift Mewtwo into the air and move him towards Wolf and Captain Falcon. "Feel free to punch him all you want!" Wolf and Captain Falcon jumped at the opportunity and proceeded to wail on the defenseless Mewtwo. Though the Pokemon grunted in pain, there was little he could do to stop the assault.

"You should make him sniff his crotch or something!" Captain Falcon suggested.

"You got a problem with crotch-sniffing?" asked Wolf.

"It was a joke! He has no crotch!" pointed out the pilot. Wolf and Falcon laughed through their punches.

"Would you like to join in, Marth?" Lucario wondered. Marth smiled and drew Falchion.

"Thought you'd never ask," Marth replied, stepping towards Mewtwo. "For Roy!"

* * *

"Liiiiights will gui-i-i-i-ide you home... and igni-i-i-i-ite your bones... and I will tryyyyy... to fix you!" sang Chris Martin from atop the stage at the Coldplay show in Picken.

"This is the best!" cheered Zelda from the crowd.

"HYA!" shouted Link.

"I don't want this night to end!" Ike confessed through his tears.

"Thank you Marth! And thank YOU, Coldplay!" added Ganondorf, through his sobs. It was the greatest concert he had ever seen.

TO BE CONTINUED


	6. The Most Efficient Police Force Ever

Disclaimer: I do not own Nintendo, SSB, or any of the characters. I do not own Coldplay, but I do own all of their LP's on CD.

**SMASHING SHENANIGANS**

#6: THE MOST EFFICIENT POLICE FORCE EVER

There was a terrifying rumor spreading through the town like a wildfire caused by Captain Falcon's cooking. The four heroes were sitting in Captain Falcon's living room when they were informed through the Smashville News Channel of the murder of the town's own resident, Mario Mario. His killer was not found.

For reasons that can only be explained by abysmal writing, Mario did not simply turn into a trophy.

"He'll be back," Wolf said. "He'll get brought back to life by the end of this chapter, I'm sure."

"First dialogue of the whole chapter and the fourth wall has already been broken," noted Marth, shaking his head in disappointment. Just then, Captain Falcon sprung up from the couch.

"We could solve the mystery of who did it!" Captain Falcon suggested.

"It was obviously Bowser," mumbled Lucario.

"Why do you say that?" Captain Falcon asked.

"Who else in this town is psychotic enough to kill somebody?" Lucario asked.

"Pretty much everyone," responded Wolf.

"Yeah, how do you think the first tournament only had twelve contestants?" asked Falcon. "And who do you think inspired The Hunger Games?"

"How about everyone who lived under Marie Antoinette's rule?" suggested Wolf.

"I don't know what all that means," Captain Falcon said. "But I think we should go solve this case."

"Why not let the police handle it?" wondered Lucario. "It's their job, after all."

"Well the police aren't the main characters, now, are they? Let's go!" Falcon cheered, throwing his fist in the air.

"What the hell are you doing?" Wolf asked.

"I... I was getting enthusiastic," sighed Captain Falcon. "So, no solving the mystery?"

"Not today," replied Lucario.

"If it makes you feel any better, I'll call the police department and suggest an investigation of Bowser," Marth suggested. "Okay?"

"Okay," Captain Falcon groaned. Marth leaned over and grabbed the phone from the table. He proceeded to dial the number of the Smashville Police Department.

"Yes, hello. My name is Marth, and I may have information on the murder of Mario Mario... What do you mean there's not a police department anymore?! Replaced by what?! Alright. Um... Thank you, I think," he spoke into the phone before hanging up.

"Wait, who took over the police force?" asked Wolf. "It was the damn Villager wasn't it? Totalitarian government can be fought, you know."

"Actually, it was... um, the Pika Police," Marth responded.

"Well then, I wasn't expected that," responded Wolf. Suddenly, the door burst open, and Pikachu rushed into the room.

"Pi pi pika! (Nobody expects the Pika Police!)" Pikachu shouted.

"Um, can we help you?" asked Lucario.

"Pika! (We received a report that a certain Marth may have something to do with the murder of Mario Mario, and we are putting that particular individual under immediate arrest!)" responded Pikachu.

"What?!" shouted the four in unison.

"That's ridiculous!" shouted Wolf, standing to his feet.

"Pika pi pi pika! (Oh, you think so? Well, it seems Marth here has an accomplice!)" shouted Pikachu.

"Are you serious?" asked Wolf.

Pikachu responded, "Pika pika! (Damn straight!)" Pikachu jumped onto the couch and began to pull Marth's hands behind his back. Lucario reached over and grabbed Pikachu, pulling him off.

"There's been a mistake, I'm afraid," Lucario said calmly, setting him down.

"CHU! CHU! (You, sir, are under arrest for assaulting an officer!)" Pikachu yelled at him.

"Whoa, now! You can't just arrest all three of us like that!" protested Wolf.

"Pi! (Oh, but I can!)" Pikachu yelled. "PIKACHU! (Pikachus!)" And like that, a mighty yellow wave spilled into the house, and at least a hundred Pikachus had filled the room. They were all armed with handcuffs, and they were swarming the three in an instant. Wolf, Lucario, and Marth were quickly thrown to the floor on their stomachs, searched, and handcuffed.

"Pika Pika!" cheered the Pika Police. The three were taken out of the house, and the Pika Police piled out in a hurry, shutting the door behind.

"What just happened?" asked Captain Falcon.

* * *

"Hello, everyone. Welcome to the 6 o'clock Smashville News at 3 PM. I'm your anchor, Ganondorf Dragmire," introduced Ganondorf on the news.

"And I'm your co-anchor, Comfy Winter Jacket, but you can call me King Dedede!" added his co-anchor, King Dedede.

Ganondorf coughed and began to report, "Earlier today, we reported the murder of local resident, Mario Mario, at the hands of an unknown killer. Almost immediately after our report, a local reported that a local resident, Marth, may have been responsible for the murder. The Pika Police promptly found and arrested Marth, along with two of his accomplices: Lucario and Wolf. The three were taken into custody, and promptly put on trial by the honorable judge, Master Hand. Their attorney was none other than local dumbass, Captain Douglas Falcon, an F-Zero pilot with reportedly no experience in law. However, by presenting overwhelming evidence of their innocence, Captain Falcon managed to free the trio and win the case in a matter of thirty-seven and a half seconds. When asked to report, Captain Falcon simply said, 'Well, I beat all three Phoenix Wright games, so I'm pretty much an expert.' This has been Smashville News. Good day."

Back in Falcon's living room, the group sat back in their original spots, with the TV still on the news. They had just seen the report announcing their freedom, but they were all a bit disturbed by the earlier events.

"Who do you think set us up like that?" asked Marth.

"Well, let's think," Lucario proposed. "We tried to get an investigation on Bowser. If he somehow knew about it, he could have sent the Pika Police to get us investigated in his place."

"How could he have heard us?" asked Captain Falcon. "Turtles have slow hearing."

"There's at least two people we know of who have bugged pretty much everything," noted Marth. "Bowser could be working with either the Villager, or..." Then, it hit them like a bag of Golden Hammers.

"SOLID SNAKE!" they shouted in unison.

* * *

Meanwhile, in Bowser's hideout, under Smashville, Bowser and Snake sat together at a table listening to a radio.

"Bowser could be working with either the Villager, or..." they heard. "SOLID SNAKE!"

"Wow, they figured it out," mumbled Snake.

"Yeah, I wasn't expecting that," Bowser responded. Suddenly, the door swung open.

"PIKA! (NOBODY EXPECTS THE PIKA POLICE!)" shouted Pikachu, followed closely by an army of Pikachus.

"What do you want?" asked Bowser, obviously irritated.

"Pika pika pika pika! (You two are under arrest for undeniable criminal activity, such as eavesdropping, being ugly, and working on the Sabbath day!)" Pikachu shouted at them.

"You'll never take us alive!" Snake shouted, jumping onto the table and throwing a grenade at them. It landed at Pikachu's feet and rolled. Pikachu leaned forward, picked it up, removed the pin, and threw it back.

"I really need to start taking those pins out," noted Snake. Then, the grenade exploded, and the two fell to the ground. They were quickly handcuffed. It was at that moment when Captain Falcon, Wolf, Marth, and Lucario entered the room with a grin.

"You!" growled Bowser.

"Oh, hey Bowser!" greeted Wolf with a wave. "The tables sure have turned, huh?"

"How did you know?" he asked.

"Because you're dumbasses," he replied. "We called up the Pika Police and arranged an investigation pretty much immediately."

"How'd you find the hideout?" asked Snake.

"Pika! (We put trackers in your food!)" cheered Pikachu.

"I don't think I'm okay with that," said Snake.

"Chu! (Well it sucks to be you! I'm in charge! Let's go!)" Pikachu taunted. The Pika Police proceeded to lift Snake and Bowser up over their heads, before marching out of the room.

"Well, that was an adventure," noted Marth.

"Yeah! And check out our new hangout spot!" Captain Falcon exclaimed. It was then when his stomach growled. "Oh, man, I'm starving!"

"Alright, then let's go get Chinese," Wolf suggested. "My treat!"

* * *

"Ugh, damn those guys!" Snake cursed from inside his cell, slamming his fist down on the bed. "My weapons and cigarettes got confiscated!"

"We'll destroy those chumps when we get out of here," Bowser promised from the top bunk.

"You think we should switch bunks?" asked Snake.

"Why's that?" Bowser asked. Suddenly, his bed creaked, and collapsed onto the bed below.

"Mother of God-" groaned Snake, smushed between Bowser's weight and the floor, sandwiched between two thin cots.

"Pathetic," came a voice. The two eventually got up and looked to the source of the voice. Through the bars of the cell, they saw only a shadow.

"Who the hell are you?" asked Snake.

"That is unimportant," responded the shadow. "What is important, however, is what I can do for you. I noticed you are troubled by a certain group of 'heroes.'"

"Yeah, Falcon, Wolf, Marth, and Lucario!" responded Bowser.

"I too, am troubled by them," revealed the stranger. "However, with our combined powers, we can absolutely _destroy_ them for good."

Snake and Bowser looked at each other and nodded, before turning to the shadow and chanting, "We're in!"

TO BE CONTINUED


	7. Professor Layton and the Test of Friends

Disclaimer: The Pika Police reserves the right to arrest those who do not confirm their lack of ownership of their fanfiction's topic. As such, I must insist that I do not own Nintendo or the Super Smash Brothers series.

**SMASHING SHENANIGANS**

#7: PROFESSOR LAYTON AND THE TEST OF FRIENDS

"Good morning, Smashville!" welcomed Professor Layton as he stepped out onto the stage. "Are you ready for another episode of _A Test of Friends_?!" The live audience cheered and roared and peed a little. "Well, then let's bring out our contestants!"

Onto the stage walked Captain Falcon, Marth, Wolf, and Lucario. They waved and bowed and blew kisses and all that good stuff, before taking their seats in four extremely comfy chairs.

"How are you are doing?" asked Layton as the crowd quieted.

"Great," came one answer. "Not bad," another. "We're doing alright," was Captain Falcon's.

"So, why don't we start with you as individuals? Tell me about you," Layton said. "We'll start with you."

"Alright," Wolf said, sitting forward. He waved at the crowd, to several cheers, before saying, "Well, my name is Wolf O'Donnell, and I used to be the captain of a small fleet of Arwings called Star Wolf. Uhh, what else? Hobbies? Alright, uhm, I'm a coffee enthusiast, a harmonica player, and a huge fan of the Professor Layton series." The crowd went wild at the obvious ass kissing. Professor Layton, of course, blushed and smiled.

"My name is Marth, I'm a prince from Altea, and I use a rapier," Marth introduced. "My hobbies include sparring, reading, and playing the lute." An army of fangirls screamed and giggled from the middle of the audience, much to Marth's embarrassment.

Captain Falcon started, "I'm Captain Falcon, and I'm an F-Zero pilot! I like to compete in the races and the Smash tournaments, and my hobbies include reading comics, making money, impressing women, Monopoly until four in the morning, and playing the drums." The crowd lightly applauded.

"I am Lucario, and I am a Pokemon and one-time Smash tournament competitor. I like battling, parkour, musicals, and playing piano." Several people in the audience cheered for him.

"It seems you are all a unique bunch," Layton told them, curling his left leg up and propping his foot up on his right knee. "You've seen the show, I assume?"

"Yeah, we had a marathon last week to prepare for today," Wolf started. "We had a bunch of candy, some popcorn, it was a good time."

"Especially when Captain Falcon tried candy corn for the first time," Marth added.

"What happened?" asked Layton, curiously.

"You'd have to taste candy corn to understand," suggested Wolf. The audience laughed with him.

"Well then, since you all know the show, I suppose you don't need an explanation when we move

onto the puzzle," Layton said. "I am quite a puzzle connoisseur myself, and this will be a good way to test how well you four inspire each other to gather information."

"Let's do this!" cheered Falcon. The screen on the back of the stage lit up, and the puzzle was on the screen.

_Five suspects are called into police headquarters for questioning. They give the following statements._

_A:"One of the five of us is lying."  
__B:"Two of the five of us are lying."  
C:"I know these guys, and three of the five of us are lying."  
__D:"Don't listen to a word they say. Out of the five of us, four are lying."  
E:"All five of us are dirty rotten liars!" _

_The police only want to release the suspects who are telling the truth. How many people should they let go?_

"E is lying!" shouted Captain Falcon accusingly.

"You're right," acknowledged Wolf.

"If A is telling the truth, then that would mean E is the only liar," Lucario elaborated thoughtfully.

"Could A through D all technically be telling the truth?" asked Falcon.

"That doesn't make sense," Marth replied.

"They contradict!" Lucario exclaimed. "Whoever accuses everyone else of lying is the one telling the truth!"

"That'd be D, then," Marth realized. "If he's telling the truth, the other four are liars."

"Our answer is D!" Wolf told Layton. The crowd applauded as a big star appeared on the screen, with their time of 0:29 appearing on the screen.

"Well done," Layton told them. "You all took the knowledge the others gave you and then added that to your own thinking process to establish your understanding over the logic."

"I don't know about all that, but teamwork! Yeah!" Captain Falcon cheered, fist pumping repeatedly and jumping out of his seat and into the floor. He proceeded to roll around and flail in front of a shocked crowd.

"Falcon, we're in public," mumbled Wolf. "Get off the damn floor." Captain Falcon repeatedly pointed up into the air before Wolf reached down and pulled him back into his seat.

"Are we all right?" asked Layton.

"Yeah, fine," Wolf replied. "Sorry about him. He's excitable." Some people in the crowd chuckled.

"Right, I'm going to move on to the quiz part of the show," Professor Layton told them, before taking a swig of his tea. "I will start with Marth here, and I'd like everyone else to follow my assistant into the back room." Obediently, the three remaining heroes stood to their feet and followed the small blue walrus man off the stage.

"Alright, Marth," Layton said. "I'm going to ask you questions about your friends, and you answer according to what you believe. You can answer yourself if you want."

"Okay," agreed Marth.

"Which of your friends is the most athletic?" asked Layton.

"I'm going with Lucario," replied Marth.

"Which of your friends is the most entertaining?" Layton questioned.

"Captain Falcon," Marth admitted.

"Which of your friends is the most productive?" asked Layton.

"I'm going to say I am," replied Marth.

"Which of your friends is the most aggressive?" asked Layton.

"Wolf."

"Since you answered one person per question, we've gotten all the answers we need," Layton told him. "Follow Lyle out and we're going to send in Lucario." Marth got up from his chair and followed the walrus into the back room.

* * *

"Lucario," said Lyle as the door opened. "You're up." Marth stepped in and looked around the room as Lucario got to his feet and walked out. There were several couches, and a table covered in the most delectable treats Marth had seen in a long time. Captain Falcon and Wolf were assaulting their gullets with doughnuts and crab meat and mango punch.

"Marth, oh my God!" Captain Falcon shouted. He jumped up and grabbed a potato slice decorated in sour cream. "Try this!"

Marth responded, "No tha- mhph!" Captain Falcon stuffed it into his mouth. Marth's eyes lit up and he swallowed the meal whole.

"More..." growled Marth, before pouncing onto the food like a savage dog.

* * *

"Welcome back, everyone," said Layton to Marth, Lucario, and Captain Falcon (all carrying armfuls of food) as they returned to the front. As they took their seats, Wolf reached over and took a piece of chocolate cake from Falcon before eating it whole.

"I see you're all enjoying the food," he jested. The group nodded, and the crowd laughed.

"Surprisingly enough, every one of you gave the exact same answers," Professor Layton told them. "Which means, you will be taken to the obstacle course to be tested on your capabilities."

* * *

A camera crew followed Professor Layton and the four heroes as they journeyed out a side door and behind the studio, where they came face to face with a huge glass case containing an obstacle course inside. There were three doors, all leading to different parts of the course, and a microwave, which sat on the outside of the cage.

"You told me that Lucario is the athletic member of your entourage," explained Professor Layton. "As such, he will be the one to move through the course." He opened the middle door, allowing Lucario to enter.

"You also agreed that Wolf is the more aggressive member of the group," said Layton. "As such, you will be taken to the arena, where you will find Spearow, released one after another at increasing frequency. Your job is to take out as many of them as possible to prevent them from attacking anyone and slowing them down." He opened the door on the left, a door that led to a ladder which could be taken up to a round platform.

"Captain Falcon is the entertainer of the group, and will therefore be in charge of the large door at the end of the obstacle course. Near the door, you will find carved several diagrams that detail a dance, which we'll call... The Wess Dance. You must perform this dance to keep the door open so that Lucario can get through it. If you stop dancing, Lucario will be unable to get through, and will therefore be unable to complete the course," Layton elaborated before opening the door on the right, which led to some stairs that took Captain Falcon to the top of the course.

"This microphone is for you, Marth," Layton said, handing over the microphone. "It will broadcast everything you say. Your job is to watch what's going on inside and keep your group moving." Marth grinned and held the microphone to his lips.

"Good evening, everyone," he said into it. "This is your captain, Marth, speaking. We'll be experiencing a little turbulence, so please hold on to your personal belonging and keep your hands and feet in the course at all times. All questions can be held until the journey is over. Thank you." Suddenly, they heard a thud, and turned to see Captain Falcon on the ground level. He had fallen off the stairs from laughing.

"I'm okay," he groaned, getting to his feet and crawling back up the stairs.

"You have two minutes!" Layton told them all once the pilot returned to his spot. "Begin in three... two... one... NOW!"

A Spearow dropped down from a small pipe right away, before charging fiercely at Wolf. Wolf jumped up and scissor kicked the Pokemon, instantly defeating it.

Captain Falcon began to awkwardly shake his butt back and forth in an embarrassing dance that none should ever be forced to perform. The door flew open within seconds, and he continued dancing to ensure it would not close.

"Alright, Lucario, wall jump between those pillars to get up to the mid-section fastest," suggested Marth. Lucario obeyed and began to bound between two pillars at a respectable pace.

Wolf was now dealing with three Spearow at a time, which was becoming incredibly difficult to deal with. He defeated one, but the other two began to peck at him from behind.

"Wolf, use your reflector and your blaster," Marth told him. "Don't let them get close to you any more." Wolf nodded before pushing the button on his reflector to scatter the attackers, and then he whirled around on one foot and shot through both of them with quick reflexes.

"Grab that rope and swing across to the ladder," Marth proposed to Lucario. Lucario quickly did so, grabbing the ladder and scrambling up. "There's another ladder behind you that goes straight to the top. Take it." Lucario jumped backwards from the ladder and reached behind himself, feeling the bars and latching on. He somersaulted and righted himself up before scampering to the platform above.

"It looks like we have one last challenge!" Professor Layton said into a microphone of his own. A box dropped down from the ceiling as Lucario passed through the door. Captain Falcon stopped dancing, shutting the door behind. The two looked at the box.

"This is new..." muttered Marth. Suddenly, the box flew open, and inside was...

"Wario!" shouted Captain Falcon. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, you losers got me kicked out of my house, so what better to do then hide in a box and get paid to beat people up?!" Wario answered.

"Afraid you won't be beating us up," Falcon told him. "We're the main characters!"

"Oh, is that so?!" Wario taunted. He reached behind himself and produced a glowing ball of darkness.

"A Smash Ball?" Lucario gasped.

"That's right!" Wario replied, cackling repeatedly. "I'm going to destroy you both with it!"

"FALCON KICK!" Captain Falcon shouted, flying forward and driving his foot into Wario's forehead. Wario released the Smash Ball and fell to the ground. Lucario promptly jumped up and crushed the Smash Ball as it soared through the air, generating a colorful aura around himself.

"Out of the way, Captain!" said Lucario. Captain Falcon jumped back and Lucario took off to the ceiling of the glass prison. He launched a massive beam of blue aura directly down onto Wario, much to the bewilderment of the audience. Finally, the attack ended, and Lucario dropped to the ground. Confetti spewed out from cannons lining the walls, and they heard Professor Layton cheer, "Congratulations!"

"We did it!" cheered Captain Falcon, pulling Lucario into a constricting hug and lifting him into the air. The Pokemon started to turn more blue than usual, and the pilot finally set him down. As Lucario caught his breath, Captain Falcon ran down the stairs and joined Marth and Wolf outside, throwing his arms up and cheering.

"We won!" he shouted repeatedly.

"Are you alright, Wario?" asked Lucario, leaning over to his defeated opponent. Wario slowly sat up.

"Waah, I think so," he groaned. Lucario extended a paw. Wario took it and gently got to his feet.

"What're you doing here?" the Pokemon asked.

"Getting a job," Wario replied. "It's something..."

"Look, I'm sorry for getting you kicked out of..." Lucario started. "Wait, how are you here if you got kicked out of Smashville?"

"Wario got kicked out of Smashville," replied Wario. "Jeremy Garlicworth, on the other hand, is more than welcome as long as nobody recognizes him."

"But then you have to go by Jeremy Garlicworth," Lucario said.

"It's a sacrifice I have to make," Wario told him.

Lucario then told him, "I'll see if I can get you back into Smashville. I think you learned your lesson."

* * *

"Those assholes, I can't believe they actually won!" shouted Bowser at the monitor in his base.

"Well, they only had to beat Wario," Snake muttered. "No wonder they won..."

"Still! Those Spearow weren't trained well enough!" Bowser contested.

"Hey boss!" Snake shouted. "I'm going to order a pizza! What kind do you want?!"

"I have no time for pizza," replied a voice from another room.

"Oh," Snake replied. "Well um... When are we gonna kill those guys or whatever?"

"Very, very soon," the voice told him.

TO BE CONTINUED


	8. X and Y

Disclaimer: My Nintendo DS broke so now I own nothing.

**SMASHING SHENANIGANS**

#8: X AND Y

It was a Friday night in mid-October when Captain Falcon, Wolf, and Lucario were standing in a long line at the local Wal-Mart parking lot.

"Only one more hour!" cheered Captain Falcon.

"Oh my God, I've been waiting for this forever," said Toon Link from behind him in the line.

"No one cares, Toon Link," taunted Wolf.

"Well excuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, princess!" responded Toon Link. "I thought I was talking to fellow Pokemon fans! I've been waiting years for these games."

"Kid, you weren't even born until the year Ruby and Sapphire came out," Wolf pointed out. "You probably don't know how many Pokemon were in the first generation!"

"Can we stop fighting, please?" asked Lucario. "Otherwise, this could be the most agonizing hour of our lives."

"Hey, isn't Marth usually hanging out with you guys?" asked Lucas from behind Toon Link.

"Oh yeah, he's at the Chinese place next door," replied Captain Falcon. "We got hungry and he had to pee."

"I want Chinese..." mumbled Lucas.

"Yeah, well first you need friends!" responded Wolf.

"I'm his friend!" Toon Link protested.

"My condolences," Wolf comforted. Toon Link crumpled up his face in anger.

"Calm down, Toon," whispered Lucas.

"I'm back!" sounded Marth's voice as he returned to the line with two bags filled with food. "Alright, here we have the chicken lo mein for Lucario... the teriyaki chicken for Captain Falcon, the beef chow mein for Wolf..." "AH-OOOOH!" "...and the chicken and broccoli for me."

"You guys didn't get drinks?" asked Toon Link.

"We're way ahead of you, dumbass," Wolf replied, holding up a thermos. "Filled with Monster."

"Oh yeah?!" Toon Link retorted. He held up his own thermos. "AMP!"

"That isn't Amp," mumbled Wolf.

"Is too!" insisted Toon Link.

"Have you tasted it?" asked Wolf. Toon Link promptly unscrewed it and took a swig before spewing the liquids everywhere.

"HA! ME AND CAPTAIN FALCON PISSED IN YOUR DRINK WHEN YOU WEREN'T LOOKING!" shouted Wolf. The crowd got quiet around him. Within seconds, he was approached by a Wal-Mart employee.

"Sir, I'm afraid you will have to leave the premises," the employee told him. Wolf was stunned.

"WHAT?! WHY?!"

"You're creating quite a disturbance," replied the employee.

"Don't I get a warning first?" asked Wolf.

"Well... Maybe if you ask nicely," the employee admitted.

"Will you please forgive me for my outbursts?" asked Wolf.

"You're a nice guy," the employee told him. "You here for the new Pokemon games?"

"Yessir," responded Wolf.

"Well, if your friend here lets me have a bit of his teriyaki chicken," he said, referring to Falcon, "I may let you in early."

"Really?!" Wolf asked. Captain Falcon handed over a plastic fork and held open his box of teriyaki chicken. The employee impaled about three pieces of the chicken.

"You four, come on," he said to Falcon, Wolf, Lucario, and Marth with a wave. The friends grinned in happiness and stepped out of line to follow the employee into the store.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Toon Link shouted from the crowd. An employee approached him.

"You are creating a disturbance, and you need to leave," the employee said.

"Um.. Do I not get a warning first?" asked Toon Link.

"I'm afraid not, sir," the employee said. "Get the hell out of here."

"But that's not fair!" Lucas protested.

"Are you his friend?" asked the employee.

"Yeah," replied Lucas.

"Then you also need to leave," the employee told him. "Get out of here. Shoo." Toon Link and Lucas were motioned off the property.

* * *

"Alright, this is the coolest thing ever," Wolf noted as they entered the building. The employee led them to the back of the store. Shining like a diamond, or a pearl, behind the glass case- Pokemon X and Y Versions.

"What versions you want?" asked the employee.

"Two of each," Marth spoke up, for the first time since bringing the food. The employee opened the case and grabbed the four games. He motioned them over to the counter and then proceeded to scan the cases.

"That will be $149.80," the employee revealed. The four looked at each other, not sure who would pay. Finally, Lucario sighed.

"This is going right to the checkbook..." Lucario muttered, before scribbling on a piece of paper and handing it over.

"It's a piece of paper that says '$149.80 check' on it," said the employee.

"Oh, is that wrong?" asked Lucario. The employee stared at it for a second.

"Hmmm... Seems good to me," the employee agreed. He put the check into the cash register. "Thank you."

"YEEEAH!" they cheered, turning to each other and high-fiving. Suddenly, they all pulled out their 3DS's and plopped themselves down on the floor. They started tearing open their games and began to play.

"Excuse me, but I need to clean here," said another employee, who arrived with a mop in hand.

"Can't it wait?" asked Captain Falcon.

"I get off work in five minutes," explained the employee. "Also, why the hell are you even in here?"

"He let us in," Wolf said, pointing to the employee that let them in, though the canine did not look up from his device.

"Who are you? You don't work here!" said the cleaner.

"AHA!" the employee shouted, jumping over the counter. "This was only a disguise! I am, actually-" He poked some buttons on his watch, and instantly the facade faded.

"A beard guy in a unitard," muttered the employee. "Listen, can you get the hell out of here before I call the cops? Or worse, the manager?"

"DAMN IT, LOOK AT ME!" shouted the impersonator. Sighing, Lucario looked up at him.

"Snake!" shouted Lucario. The other three whipped their heads around and looked at him.

"It's Snake! Battle formation!" shouted Captain Falcon. The four quickly jumped up and made several kung fu poses and variants of the classic middle finger at Snake.

"That's... really intimidating actually," admitted Snake.

"What did you want with us?" asked Marth. "Why'd you let us in here?"

"Um... What was it?" Snake asked himself. "Something about an epic scheme. Oh, I forget. One second." He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a cell phone.

"Is that the new Galaxy S 4?" asked Wolf.

"Yeah, I get a discount for working here!" Snake said with a smile.

"You don't work here!" the employee with the mop yelled.

"That's impressive," Wolf said. In seconds, Snake had the phone to his ear.

"Uh... Bowser," Snake said. "Hey, it's Snake. I'm here with the Asshole Squad."

"Asshole Squad?" asked Captain Falcon. Snake held the phone against his chest.

"It's our name for you guys," Snake told them.

"Oh, I see," said Captain Falcon. "Sounds appropriate." The four nodded in approval.

"So yeah, what was the plan again? We're in the store, at the counter. Oh... DON'T let them buy the games you say? Right, I'll... Uh... I can do this," Snake said into the phone. He hung up.

"Well?" asked Wolf.

"Um... I think there's a problem with your games," Snake told them. "Can I see them for a second? I'll fix it."

"Oh sure, anytime," Captain Falcon said, taking his game out of the system and beginning to repackage it.

"It's a trick, moron!" Wolf told him, snatching the game out of his hands.

"Hardly..." muttered Marth.

"GRENADE ATTACK!" Snake shouted. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a grenade. He pulled out the pin and threw it. The four stood there. Suddenly, the grenade exploded in Snake's hand, and he realized that he had thrown the pin rather than the grenade. He collapsed onto the floor in a cloud of smoke.

"Right, let's get out of here," said Lucario. The four began to walk away.

"Not so fast," said a voice behind them. Whirling around, the four saw Bowser, staring at them.

"We were kind of walking slowly," noted Wolf.

"Doesn't matter! You're not going anywhere!" Bowser insisted, stomping his foot.

"Well that is theoretically impossible," muttered Lucario.

"Tired of this bullshit!" Bowser shouted. "You have to be destroyed!"

"Why?" asked Wolf. "That seems a little unnecessary."

"Yeah, can't we talk this through?" asked Lucario. "We're nice guys."

"You're ASSHOLES!" Bowser protested. "A WHOLE SQUAD OF EM!"

"That's also fitting," said Wolf. "So, let's show him why we got that name, team!"

"Why?" asked Captain Falcon. "Are we going to shove something up his asshole? I vote Marth's sword."

"Say that again and I will switch out your intestines for Bowser's kidneys," threatened Marth.

"YOU'RE ALL DEAD!" screamed Bowser, sliding across the ground at them, slowly but surely.

"I never understood how he did that..." muttered Lucario.

Wolf looked over and said, "Marth?"

"Way ahead of you," Marth told him. He extended Falchion and allowed Bowser to slide right into the blade.

"OW!" Bowser shouted, jumping back and grabbing his knee in pain. He proceeded to hop around and shake the building, causing several objects to fall off the shelves.

"Ooh, F-Zero GX," said Captain Falcon, picking up a discount game. "I'm in that."

"Let's go, Falcon!" yelled Wolf. Captain Falcon proceeded to jog along behind them. They left the store with their new games.

* * *

The four friends emerged outside and proceeded towards Wolf's Landmaster, which was parked in the lot.

"You four aren't leaving this place alive," came a voice from behind. The crowd was screaming in horror. As the four whipped around, Lucario was promptly blasted by a ball of energy and flung backwards onto the hood of a car, smashing it into a paperweight.

"MEWTWO!" shouted Marth.

"That's right, you sniveling little wretch," said Mewtwo. "I hope you are all ready to be obliterated."

"Never!" protested Captain Falcon. "Take my games and put them in the Landmaster. There's about to be a fight!" He put his games in Marth's arms. Marth obeyed and walked away from the scene. "COME ON! SHOW ME YOUR MO- OH GOD!" Captain Falcon was promptly drop kicked to the ground.

"I'm here, boss!" yelled Bowser, joining Mewtwo.

"As if you were needed," Mewtwo responded. "Did your friend blow himself up again?"

"I wouldn't doubt it," replied Bowser.

"Very well," Mewtwo told him. "I suppose you can join me in our conquest."

"Captain Falcon," whispered Lucario, as he returned to the scene from the smashed vehicle.

"What?"

"Remember what I said about this," Lucario told him. "Do what I taught you."

The pilot exclaimed, "Oh yeah! HEY! I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU!" As Bowser and Mewtwo looked at him, he pulled a round ball out of his pocket.

Mewtwo started, "Is that-?"

"Yep! A Master Ball!" Captain Falcon revealed. He leaned back and pitched it.

"OW!" shouted Bowser as the ball hit him in the snout.

"Really, Falcon?" asked Wolf.

"I thought he was a Pokemon!" Captain Falcon confessed.

"No, that was for Mewtwo!" shouted Wolf.

"Mewtwo's a Pokemon?"

"DAMN IT, FALCON!" Wolf yelled. He jumped into action and kicked Bowser in the face. "Let's move, team!" Captain Falcon promptly jumped in and Falcon Punched Bowser, knocking him out of the fight permanently. He became a trophy.

"You fools!" Mewtwo shouted. He held up the Master Ball.

"Try this!" he shouted. With a pull back, he proceeded to chuck it at Lucario.

"Watch out, Lucario!" Marth shouted. As the ball almost hit Lucario, he used Double Team, dodging the ball and vanishing. He reappeared within a split second and kicked the ball back at Mewtwo, hitting him in the chest.

"NO!" shouted Mewtwo. The ball absorbed him, and then hit the ground. Despite the three violent shakes, the ball settled.

"YEAH!" cheered Captain Falcon. The four high-fived.

"You guys wanna go home and play Pokemon now?" asked Wolf.

"Forget that," Lucario said. "I'm going to go train my new Mewtwo. Later."

* * *

Snake woke up suddenly and found himself in complete darkness.

"Where... am I?" he asked aloud. Suddenly, there was a loud siren-like beeping, and then a light shone. He could see a Smashville road. Suddenly, garbage bags were thrown in on top of him.

"Damn you, Asshole Squad!" he shouted, as the garbage truck shut again and drove away.

TO BE CONTINUED


	9. The Toughest Goodbye

Disclaimer: I will own a 3DS XL soon, so that's always nice. Still don't own these characters.

**SMASHING SHENANIGANS**

#9: THE TOUGHEST GOODBYE

It was a Tuesday afternoon in early December, and the snow had piled up massively. Marth, Lucario, and Wolf were at Captain Falcon's house, in the living room watching _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_. Though Lucario and Wolf were thoroughly enjoying the program, Marth was less than impressed. He chose to play Pokemon X on his 3DS, instead. Captain Falcon was in the kitchen, preparing chicken shawarma, supposedly his own legendary dish.

"I totally think Rainbow Dash deserves the ticket," Wolf said. "I mean, with the money she gets, she could totally buy things to make up for taking away their shot at the Grand Galloping Gala."

Marth looked over and asked, "How do you watch this?"

"Don't question our enjoyment!" Lucario hissed at him. Marth shook his head and went back to playing Pokemon Y. Suddenly, the phone in the kitchen rang. Captain Falcon reached up from his dish and answered it.

"Yo, this is Captain Falcon!" the pilot said into his phone. "What's that? Saturday, you say? The whole season? Sounds awesome! I'll be there!" He hung up the phone.

"What's going on, Captain?" asked Marth, the only non-brony in the room.

"F-Zero season is coming up," Falcon told him. "I'm leaving Saturday to join the race. I'm the face of F-Zero, you know."

"Yeah I know," Marth replied.

"Dinner's ready!" Falcon shouted, grabbing four plates from a cabinet above and placing them down on the counter before scooping pita bread onto each plate and dumping the chicken onto each. Marth put his 3DS walked over and grabbed a couple of plates, taking them to Wolf and Lucario.

"How long is F-Zero season?" asked Marth.

"About a year," Captain Falcon asked. "Lots of prize money involved, though. And the best hotels!"

"A whole year, no vacation?" asked Marth.

"Yeah!"

"So you're going to miss Christmas, everyone's birthday, and the next tournament?" Marth questioned. These words actually tore Lucario and Wolf away from the TV, and they turned to look at Captain Falcon.

"Well, yeah," Falcon confessed. "I can still mail you guys stuff."

"Unbelievable," Wolf expressed. He reached over to grab the remote before shutting the TV off. "You can't seriously be leaving."

"Of course I am," Captain Falcon told him. "I live for F-Zero!"

"So what about us?" asked Wolf. "Where are we supposed to hang out? We always do things at your house!"

"Life would be very dull without you," added Lucario. "Half of these chapters wouldn't have even happened if you hadn't gotten involved."

"Half of them?" asked Wolf. "All of them! We wouldn't even have become friends without you! And now you're just going to leave for a year?!"

"What am I supposed to do? Turn it down so we can hang out for a while? This doesn't happen every day, guys! This is the first F-Zero season in ten years!" Falcon exclaimed. The room got quiet for a minute.

"Maybe he's right," Lucario revealed. "This is his passion, and we're being kind of selfish by expecting him to give it up." Wolf threw his hands up and began to pace around the room.

"Yeah..." he said. "You're right."

"When are you leaving?" asked Marth, slightly choked up.

"Thursday," the pilot answered. It got quiet once again, this time for a good thirty seconds. Finally, the door slowly opened, and then Wolf was gone.

* * *

The friends did not speak for the next two days. Nobody could bear to think about what would happen. Captain Falcon had packed his things and received his plane ticket.

Lucario and Marth met up on the sidewalk in front of the bus station.

"Hey there," Marth said quietly.

"Hello, Marth," answered Lucario. The two did not say much, though Marth did look around a bit.

"You think Wolf will show up?" he asked Lucario.

"I doubt it," Lucario responded, shaking his head. Captain Falcon rounded the corner with his luggage in tow. He saw the two in front of him.

"What's up?" he asked them.

"We're here to say goodbye," Lucario told him.

"Yeah," added Marth. Captain Falcon neared and propped up his luggage.

"Is Wolf not here?" asked Captain Falcon.

"No," Marth told him. "I don't think he'll show up..." Captain Falcon seemed a little hurt by that. Marth extended a hand, as if to shake. The pilot took it and shook it, before pulling Marth in and putting his left arm around Marth. Marth reciprocated.

"I'd still be locked up in my house reading some book if it wasn't for you," Marth told him.

Captain Falcon answered, "Hey, now we've had enough adventures for you to write your own." Marth smiled, and Captain Falcon let go. He moved towards Lucario.

"It's been fun," Lucario told him.

"It's been the most fun I've had in a long time," Captain Falcon agreed. The two gave each other a brotherly embrace.

"We'll miss you," Lucario said.

"Hey, I'll be back one day," Captain Falcon reminded him.

"It'll be a long year," admitted the Pokemon. Finally, the two let go of each other.

"Hey, Captain," Marth said.

"Yeah?" asked Falcon. He turned to see Marth pointing. Captain Falcon followed his hand and saw Wolf, standing across the street, watching them. The pilot made the decision to walk over to him.

"You made it," Captain Falcon said.

"Yeah," Wolf answered, looking at his feet.

"I'll miss you," Captain Falcon told him.

"Yeah," Wolf repeated. The two got quiet for a second. Suddenly, Captain Falcon pulled his friend close and hugged him.

"I'll be back," Falcon assured him.

"Just don't forget about us, or I'll kick your ass when you get back," Wolf told him.

"I couldn't," Falcon said. The two finally let go of each other. Wolf now walked with the captain, back to where the luggage was grounded. Captain Falcon took it in hand and walked up the steps.

"Bye guys," he said over his shoulder. He opened the door and walked into the station.

The other three didn't really know what to do with Captain Falcon out of the picture. He was the glue that kept them together. Without him, the friends didn't know if they could manage to stay so close. It was as if a chain had broken, and the four had gone their separate ways.

TO BE CONCLUDED

A/N: Ooh, and just like that the friendship melts away. There's only one more chapter left until we find out what happens to these four.


End file.
